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18th December 2014

I've a quite a few bad days of late. Leading up to December 16th 2014 was awful, it was as if someone was trying to make me so miserable I would end up having another breakdown. The 16th was the 10th anniversary of my mother's death. Leading up to it, I didn't wash or shave for about a week, I just couldn't be bothered. Every day and night all I kept seeing was my mother lying in that hospital bed with the life support beside her helping her breath, knowing the fact that her death was my fault and still feeling the hurt deep inside, why can't I die and she could come back, impossible I know, but if only that could happen I would gladly give my life.
I haven't spoken to my eldest daughter for over a year now, now all of a sudden I get a message on Facebook from her today. She seems to think in that head of hers that the reason is that I haven't spoke to her is because she stood up to me, how I really don't know, the reason I haven't spoke to her is because she accused me of something that I would not say to her, she thinks I called her an unfit mother, like hell I did, she said that the doctors in Wolverhampton don't do call outs and I replied that everywhere in the country does have a doctor on call out 24/7 otherwise they'll be putting the children at risk, (her son was rushed to Birmingham children's hospital for open heat surgery when he was born) but all I got was a load of abuse, when she jumped down my throat, so I phoned Wolverhampton hospital which couldn't give me any information but they gave me a phone number to contact that would be able to answer my questions, I phoned it and was told that everywhere in this country has a doctor on call 24/7 if needed. So I passed this on and got even a load more abuse. After that I thought to myself I just can't take the shit that she keeps dishing out, she's always on the scrounge for money from her mother and never ever offers to pay it back, she goes out and drinks herself into a stupor and always acts like a total idiot, she's forever whinging and whining about something, I just can't take any of her shit anymore and thinking because it's Christmas would make any difference contacting me. She's got another think coming, she forgets I hate this time of year, which makes me even more not wanting to talk.
So I've answered her stupid message and now she's blocked on Facebook, I just can't take her whinging and whining, her asking for money because she's run up so many bills and loans she can't afford to pay them, her abuse towards me was the final straw. The only time I am going to talk to her now is from my grave.