10th November 2014

I am fed up with the way things are going, I am fed with being alone nearly every single day for hour after hour after hour. All I do is sit here on this computer day in day out playing games or typing words on a screen in Facebook, is that all my life is worth now? I've closed my Facebook page, I've closed the forum I spent hours making for Jade and Louise because they were not grateful in any way, they didn't even say thank you, how can people be so rude? I spent nearly three days in total doing that for them, I even spent $9:99 of my own money to change the name to make it easier to find, was there a thank you for that? No.

I have even thought about ending things again, I know I made a promise to my daughter that I wouldn't do that again, but each day it's getting harder and harder not to do it. I don't want to do it because I have come so far on the good side of things, but taking the loneliness, I can't take much more of it.

I can't get in touch with anyone at the hospital, not after that complaint I put in, I have tried to talk to Jonathon and he just doesn't want to know, I guess I can't blame him after I threatened him, but he ignored me and yet they told me lies, I know they told lies. They said they didn't receive the emails, I know that was a lie, they said he didn't get the letter, I guess could have happened, letters do go astray, but , they say they never got Dr Edwards message either, more lies, then there were the phone calls, they said there were no record of the calls, what can one believe?

I don't know what to do, I feel so confused, so bloody helpless, so damn useless, so alone at the moment.