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1st June 2014

We are half way through another year and it's downhill from now on till Christmas. So many people put so much emphasis on a time of year that is supposed a time for giving pleasure and happiness instead it's a time of year that has always brought me sadness and pain, everything bad happens to me at that time of year and I really do hate Christmas with a passion.
Anyway my last blog was totally misunderstood by my eldest daughter and she has taken a big strop on with me because of it and if I am totally honest, I really don't give a shit about it. I know what I meant in that blog and and it was the truth. Maybe I am being a little harsh with her, but she always has gone off on one since she was a child about anything and everything, she is now 30 years old now and should really grow out of throwing wobbleys at people, especially me, because she don't understand something and takes it the wrong way instead of talking or asking the person what they mean.
I have been ill for a few days, somehow I have picked up a chest infection, that's my diagnosis anyway but someone keeps on moaning at me to go to the doctors. It's only a chest infection and I have got an awful cough, I sound like I'm on 100 cigarettes a day, I've also strained something from coughing, but go to a doctors? I don't think so, they're busy enough without me going with a little cough.
My moods have improved so much over the last few weeks, except when I am alone, I just hate being alone, my thoughts take over whatever I'm trying to do, loneliness is a killer for me. Last time I wrote here I was going through a bad couple of days, but I never give up, I fight the thoughts of suicide, I fight the thoughts of harming myself, I have to admit I still have nightmares and flashbacks but not so frequent, between them I do have some real weird dreams of things that have recently happened. 
My youngest daughter has moved into a new house, it is great, and she is so happy with it. Yesterday I  visited her and had a little accident, I dropped a hot cup of tea on my lap, burning a certain part of my anatomy, jumping up and dropping my pants in front of her patio doors, luckily for me that there was no-one was outside at the time, they would have had such a huge shock seeing my fat ass on show. then I had to travel on two buses to get home with soaked, sticky pants from the tea, embarrassing to say the least.

Until next time ......