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27th August 2015

This week I have been alone again. The missus has gone to our daughters' again up north, my suggestion for a change and I have only texted her if she texts me first. Gives her a break from me, I know I can be hard work, what with one thing and another. 
Loneliness is a nasty thing to cope with, the worst kind of loneliness is when you're with people and yet you still feel lonely. I wonder how many people actually have felt this? 
My other daughter came round yesterday and cooked me some dinner, it was nice to see her and my grandchildren but she told me that the worse thing about me is, that I do go on and on about things, I guess I do at times, but, I do not know I am doing it. Maybe she should stay away from me if it bothers' her so much, or I stay away from her. 
I went to the hospital a couple of days ago and saw my old care worker. I asked if it was possible to have him back as my care worker, he said he'll ask but doubts it so much now, what with cuts and changes in procedure. I have felt like my life is just getting too much for me to bare again. The pain is unbearable in my legs and feet. Last night I took a couple of pictures of them, they looked awful and all I get from the doctors' is pills and pills and even more pills and yet nothing works for the pain and nothing works for the swelling either. I want to get a knife and cut the fuckers off, yeah, it'll hurt, but, at least it'll stop after a few weeks, my legs and feet have been like this since 2012, when I had my stroke.
I've just about had enough of everything again.