17th August 2015

I have just noticed my blog is getting to once a month now, I don't know how this has happened, maybe it's because I haven't been feeling too good this past month.I keep meaning to make a doctors appointment, but, I just hate using the phone to make calls, part of my life I guess.

Just recently, I have been bursting out crying for no reason, it is so annoying as well, life is such shit when things like that happen. My damn feet are still bloody painful; strange thing is though, a hole appeared on my left shin and this clear fluid started to leak out, I was a little concerned, the missus kept on about going to the doctor as usual, she means well and I love her to bits, but sometimes I just wish she'd shut up.

I have also been falling asleep during the day,I don't know I've even fallen asleep until I wake up, quite funny really, well I think it is.

I was checking up online a few days ago and I found out that cptsd is worse than ordinary ptsd, that amazed me when you think that the military go through so much now and I've gone through so much years ago and I am worse off than them. Yet looking on Facebook I did not find one group dealing with cptsd, so I've opened a group myself, I'm looking for members if anyone is interested.

 https://www.facebook.com/groups/complexposttraumaticstress/

My daughter came to see me last week, and she bought me a couple of tiny angels and a couple silver sharks, ain't she sweet, they look so tiny against my full grown angels, it looks so strange seeing it.

I haven't been back to Fircroft at all, my agoraphobia has got bad again, but on a plus side I've managed to make myself ask for help this time, I have contacted a charity called Hestia and I have been put under the care of a small Nigerian lady called Rita. We are going to look like little and large walking down the street, when I actually do so that is.

I have got some humble pie to eat as well. Not good. I had a go at my nephews and nieces on Facebook, I thought they were extracting the urine (taking the piss) out of my missus, I was having a really bad time and found them making out they were going on a family holiday and didn't include my missus. Jeez, I hit the roof, they tried to explain, but me being me, I didn't listen, (or see it either) so I got some apologizing to do suppose I'd better get on with it soon ain't I? While I am in a reasonably good mood. Anyway that is it for now, I'm gonna try and make an appointment to see my doctor soon but hey ho we'll have to wait and see

TNT

TTFN